Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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