his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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