How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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