we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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