I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
