walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
