honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
