Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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