I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize