so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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