While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
