you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
