Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
