I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
