ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
