You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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