he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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