Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
