maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
