I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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