yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
