she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
