one might say we're banned from that church
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize