Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
