Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
