Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize