hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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