I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
