i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
