Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
