Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
