He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Farmville is her only friend.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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