The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Someone shattered a urinal.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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