i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
