hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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