never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
