I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
