The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
