i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
