she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
