THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
