It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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