So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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