So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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