yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
