i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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