She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
