I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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