But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
