She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
