Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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