So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
