remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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