Got a toothbrush?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
