Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
