Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
