the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
