Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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