Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My bed is full of blood and feathers
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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