Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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