Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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