about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
