I should be sponsored by Trojan
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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