didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
