Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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