Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
