Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize