Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
