so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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