Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
