Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
